


Fade

by baeberiibungh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, MOC - Freeform, Sad, Tears, i guess, it give me feels, season 10, sorry for my crap tags, the fucking MOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:47:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3739501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeberiibungh/pseuds/baeberiibungh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mark of Cain is turning Dean over again and Cas is despairing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fade

A half empty beer bottle hangs just barely from the fingertips of Dean’s right hand as he slumps into the comfortable chair. He is almost disrobed having taken off his jacket and flannel shirt and in a plain blue tee. He is staring unseeingly at Castiel who sits in his bed, his feet up on the bed and head bowed as if in prayer. Cas is not praying. He is merely trying to escape Dean’s eyes. 

Cas finds it harder and harder to look at Dean now. He can see the ichor surrounding his pure blinding soul as the demon in him strove to gain control. He could see the face forming under the skin, horns erupting in places they shouldn’t, they eyes getting more lidded with smoke that rang ever black in the swirling mass that was his body. Cas saw this all, and he could see it all and still hold Dean the same. What he could no longer face was the diminishing hope that played easily on Dean’s face now, open to Cas more than Sam, as no solutions could be bought.

Every time Cas saw that now, he felt a bolt of something ghastly orange in his core, no longer pure angelic, but as some hybrid, some amalgamation of human and angel, that Cas had come to recognise as shame. That he, an angel of the lord, cannot save the righteous man, was a mark against his capacity as a miracle worker and a failure for the person who loved Dean as much as he did. Cas had no illusions. Should Dean not make it, Cas will cease to exist, that is all. It made him weak, made him more human than angel, but Cas couldn’t see anything else in his future.

Dean suddenly jerks forward. Cas peeks at him and then slides his eyes to his hands again, clasped in his lap as he sits more stiffly than is needed. He can hear Sam puttering around the kitchen. Soon he will call the both for a simple dinner. He will hem and haw and then straightaway tell Dean that a cure is possible, that Dean will be ok. Dean always acquiesces to him so as not to upset Sam more as both Dean and Cas could see that Sam was very upset. All his convincing was rather for himself than for Dean’s benefit. All three understood this, but they let the farce play on, almost like routine.

“Cas.”

Cas looks up then, his face pained and embarrassed at how useless he is being for Dean. 

“Cas look at me. Look at me Cas.”

So Cas looks, unblinkingly. As he always had. When he did not realise the tendrils of shame burning his sight or even recognise it. He looks at the man before him and finds him more defeated than the last time he actually looks and his heart hurts at the sight. He doesn’t even realise when a tear escapes one of his eyes. But Dean gets up and places his beer bottle on his table and sits near Cas. Cas doesn’t stop looking. Both his eyes are brimming now. He does not try to stop those tears either.

Dean faces him, places a hand on his left shoulder and a keen escapes Cas’s mouth now. Tears are flowing freely now. When Dean opens his mouth to say something, Cas whispers, “No.”

That confuses Dean so he asks, “What?”

“Don’t... Don’t say anything. Please Dean. I.. I... won’t be able to bear it,” Cas gasps at him.”

“How would you know what I am about to say?” Dean asks clearly astonished. His hands are on Cas’s cheeks now, wiping his tears. Dean doesn’t seem to be aware that he is doing that.

“You look like you are trying to say goodbye Dean.”

A blush flashes on his face as Dean opens his mouth. Nothing comes out. He closes it, takes a deep breath and says, “Cas. I. I am fading Cas. More so each day. Soon I will not be me anymore. I won’t be me again. I.... Cas. Please don’t stop looking at me. Please Cas. When you stare as before i feel like there is still hope, that you still see in me the glimmer of the man I once was. Cas just please don’t hide from me now. Please...”

Cas is hugging him fiercely before Dean could stop speaking. Both clutch the other as hard as they can, as hard they dare. And within the soft sobs that break from each other, Cas whispers in Dean’s ears, years worth of love behind the words, “I will never not look at you Dean. I will always see and I will always know you for I know you with my love and see you with my soul. I will always see you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. All mistakes mine, characters not. Thanks for reading. Kudos and comments maybe?


End file.
